“IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE UNTIL DONE.”
This quote comes from Nelson Mandela, who certainly earned the right to speak about perseverance and hard work. The seemingly impossible is something you can accomplish. You’ve done it before, and it’s important to remember that.
One of the dumbest things we all do in life and work is psyching ourselves out. It’s easy to set up conditions for failure so it’s easy to take when you let it happen. Some tasks only seem impossible because you build them up that way. Others seem impossible because they’re particularly hard. Either way, the point of a challenge is to conquer it and grow. You can’t do that if you concentrate on how difficult it seems.
Yeah, ill admit it. I was totally psyching myself out towards the end of my yoga teacher training. My biggest fear of completing my yoga teacher training was successfully delivering “the class.” This class was the 90..yes NINETY…like one hour and thirty minutes… final class/exam in front of my teacher, my fellow trainees and some family members. The thought of instructing others for 90 minutes seemed impossible. The yoga classes I take at home are 75 minute max…even 1 hour “express” classes. Yes, Bikram yoga classes are 90 minutes, but they are basically scripted. I could remember a script! Cheaters. Somehow I needed to remember to:
Start on time
Properly welcome the class. Whose pregnant!?
Chant- and that means more than one little OM!
Deliver a solid Dharma talk ( life lesson/story) and weave it throughout the class
Physically and verbally assist the students
Have a solid/appropriate playlist
End on time
My class was on a Saturday afternoon. I couldn’t have asked for a better day. I took the bus into the city, hopped on the 1 train uptown, and showed up early. I plopped myself down on a bench outside of the studio and tried to chill for a bit. The temperature outside matched my class theme of creating “Fire and Intensity,”perfectly. My mother and sister came to support me. It meant so much to me. They both love yoga and I thank them for letting me practice on them the days leading up to me “recital” lol, as my father called it. Funny, right?
I was tired that day. Like wiped out. I hadn’t been sleeping the past week and I was a bundle of nerves. My skin broke out. Stress. I mean–I had been waking up at 3 am every night replaying Surya Namaskar B in my head over and over, and trying to break down Pigeon pose in Sanskrit…EKA..PADA..RAJA..KAPOT..asana…so I can wow the group by gracefully having the sanskrit roll off my tounge in class (never happened).
So, long story short. I did it. Was it perfect? No? Was it good? I think it was good. The 90 minutes went by really fast. I couldn’t believe it.
My teacher April, gave me feedback post class and handed me my certificate of completion. I was still shaking and honestly I was just so happy. I was really freaking happy. My trainees were dripping sweat. It was a non-hot studio (: Hey the theme was Fire and Intensity. I held strong to my truth and my theme!
I went out to celebrate with my mother and sister and one of the trainees, who I now consider, truly a best friend, Stephanie. She’s been an amazing support system. The next day I woke up and it was all a blur. I was depressed in a sense that it was over. But I kept reminding myself. This is only the beginning.
I have taught 2 charity classes since graduation. The same feelings came back. What will they think? How is my music? Is my class challenging enough? What if I suck and lose my opportunity to teach at a great studio?
But both classes were pretty good! I had about 15 people in my second class and got really positive feedback afterwards. I was wiped out and didn’t sleep the night before each class.
But “Its’ just yoga!” “Relax, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Right?…Not really. I am tired and working hard at this because I love it. If I didn’t care I would sleep like a baby. I am thankful for the great teachers I had when I first started who led me down this path. I remember some of my first classes as a new yogi and they are the classes and teachers that either said, or did something that made me want to come back.
As a new teacher, you don’t know who will be in your new class, a seasoned practitioner or first timer; but if you don’t have a fire and a discipline behind your teaching, it will show through. People feel passion. But remember let yourself be a beginner. My friend Patti just reminded me of this. It is ok to be new. It is okay to be a beginner its just hard for us to accept when we want to be perfect.
As with many things in life, they always seem impossible until they are done.
Until next time.